i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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