proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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