is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
