I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
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