You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
