so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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