No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
