There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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