so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
