She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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