so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
