So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
