I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
