you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
