i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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