There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
