Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
