So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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