If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
