In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
