i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
