Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize