I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
