someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
