I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
