Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
