Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
