Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
