Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
