This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
