i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
