Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
