i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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