I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
