he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
