Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
