And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
