he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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