I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
