mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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