so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
