just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The struggles of a small town man whore
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
