you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
