you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
