its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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