Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We got so high we made milksteak
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
