2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
