if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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