Someone shit on the floor
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
