Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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