there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
