I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
