im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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