he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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