Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
