He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
