apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
