True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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