It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
