yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
