Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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