My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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