Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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