your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
