What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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