So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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