hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
