I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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