does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
